Don’t ask me about the meds I left on the counter when they didn’t need to be out in the first place. With that said, I am trying very hard to keep my noggin in working order. I apologize if you read anything that’s – well – confusing.
This process can bring on buckets of tears for a boatload of reasons. I remember going in to see Dr. A and coming up with a game plan before cycling again. I was afraid he’d tell me we’d need to make major changes, but I was also afraid we’d be doing more of the same. In truth, the fear I felt was mostly surrounding the unknown.
A lot of the frustration I have around cycling is the not knowing. New symptoms pop up, new stimulant dosages come, new chances at new outcomes, though we’re never sure which of those will be the good, the bad and the ugly.
What if we do this again but it doesn’t work?
The truth of the matter is you won’t know unless you try. Getting up the courage to go another round doesn’t buy you the guarantee it’s going to work, but it does give you the chance.
So even though this round is completely different than the last, there are a few similarities between the two I’d like to share:
- Cycle Day 9 (CD9) is not the end-all-be-all of your cycle.
A lot of us go in hoping we’ll be able to schedule our retrievals after CD 9, but most (not all, I’m sure) of us will need to be seen one more time before we can solidify a time. In my first cycle, I needed to be seen twice before we made a final decision. This time? I’m going tomorrow so I’ll let you know. Either way, it’s not uncommon for your follicles to need a few more days to mature your eggs to the size they need to be.
Be patient with your body. It’s easy to want to move to the next step, but it’s important we take care to do what’s best for our entire cycles.
- Some people will have different symptoms than you (and your symptoms might vary between cycles)
As I said at the beginning of this post (and in the last one, if I remember correctly), my symptoms are totally different this time. Between all of the other women I’ve talked to about their cycles, their symptoms are also brought on at different points and seem to be a bit different than mine.
This also includes the fact that our bodies will all react different to the medicine at the injection site. My body FREAKS OUT about Cetrotide. As soon as I inject it I get a red rash and a bump. It hangs around for about an hour and then dissipates, but the first time I injected it it scared the hooey out of me. Menopur might burn (or not). Gonal always makes my mouth water a couple minutes after injecting it.
No matter which of those symptoms you can relate to or not, as long as you’re discussing your symptoms with your coordinator and they’ve said they’re okay, trust that they’re okay. Don’t freak out if someone else you know isn’t having similar reactions. Just as our reasons for needing fertility treatments are incredibly different, so are our bodies.
- Self-care is sooooooooo necessary.
In my first cycle, self-care was critical because I thought I was losing my mind. The fear, the uncertainty, the emotional warfare all weighing in heavily. By dedicating a few minutes to myself each day, I was reminding myself that I deserved a little grace, even though I felt like a hot mess. I think it’s important to clarify, for those of you who think this is just a trendy buzzword, that taking care of yourself as you cycle doesn’t mean you’re going to have the best outlook every single day. Instead, you’re setting yourself up to feel worthy and loved when the hard days hit. I believe that’s the reason I was ready to cycle again after the first-round shenanigans.
This time self-care looks a little different. I am relaxing more, I am more confident, and I am witnessing my own growth through this process. Had I not set the standard last round, I don’t think I’d feel so sane this time. Yes, it sounds like I’m patting myself on the back for this. You’re dang right I am. The only tears I’ve cried this round are in the happy moments, not the frustrating ones. That is a win, in my opinion.
Last note about this: Have you heard I’ll be speaking at
Gateway to Parenthood next month? Myself and Justine Froelker are talking – specifically – about self-care and the infertility journey, so be sure to get there and grab our tips. I’m biased, but I think they’re awesome.
Tomorrow I am heading into MCRM for another follicle scan and blood draw, and I’m feeling at ease and comfortable with the fact that I have no idea what that means tonight. Instead of worrying, I’m sitting on the couch, cuddled up to my pup, and thanking my lucky stars for the sanity.
Even if my brain isn’t firing all that well, I certainly know my ovaries (I’m lovingly referring to them as WOAHveries at this point) are rocking and rolling…and that’s what matters to me today.
For previous episodes of, “Yeah ME, too” click here.
About Lindsay Fischer & Her Books
Lindsay Fischer was once a high school English teacher with dreams stretching far outside the classroom. Lindsay has faced numerous turmoils and pitfalls in her life and today’s revolve around the dream of becoming a loving mother. Lindsay’s two books,
The House on Sunset and The
Two Week Wait Challenge: A Sassy Girl’s Guide to Surviving the TWW both provide self-help advice for how others can battle through as has Lindsay.]]>
